I got to the theater so early that I decided I could make the 7:25 instead. The ticket dude said the theater was only half full but upon closer inspection (going into the theater), found it was well over half full and I didn't think my neck would appreciate the cruel angle of the front row and I didn't want to bother anyone who had clearly gotten their early for a good seat. So being the good samaritan I am, I went to wait in the 8pm theater.
The theater was empty and I sat at the very top in the middle. Perfect. Or so I thought.
5 minutes after I claimed my seat, a girl walks up to the ENTIRE empty row and asks, "are you saving these seats?" To which I honestly reply, "no." This apparently was an invitation to sit next to me-in one seat over. "Great!" She replies. "We'll be kinda cozy!"
Well, we wouldn't be cozy if you decided to move further away from me.
5 more minutes pass and her 2 friends join her. The boy goes and sits on the other side of her and instead of following suit, the girl opts for the seat right next to me.
WTF is going on, I think. She has the whole other side with no other movie goer patrons. I'm having a 'Friends' Chandler moment. You know, where he has to hug-and-roll Janice over. She has the entire other side of the bed!! Move. Over.
She says something to her friends about having to sit directly under the projector, she's apparently OCD about it. After a few minutes, I move a seat over to give my personal bubble the air it needs and deserves. This apparently was an open invitation for said guy, to switch sides that he is sitting on to occupy my empty seat. Yes, he now is sitting right next to me. Oh, and the rest of the row is still...entirely empty. I move over another seat to reinstate the fact that I have a 1 chair rule. Did he not understand why I moved over from his friend in the first place?!
The movie theater starts to fill up. A family sits on my other side, kindly leaving a chair in between us as normal people do, and the previews start.
Now is a good time to mention that I LOVE PREVIEWS. Trailers are my fave. The music. The intensity. The little glimpses to a story that is not yet complete. It brings me indescribable joy to look forward to a flick that has not yet released.
To recap: I'm not a fan of tardiness and I love previews. Let's continue.
2 boys enter the theater and give it a once over.
Do not even think about coming up to my row.
They make their way up until the stairs run out and look over in my direction. I have them in my peripheral but am trying to appear as if my full attention is on the screen.
"Excuse me!" One of them whisper-shouts. "Is anyone sitting there?" I look around in obliviousness as if he could possibly be talking to someone else. When everyone looks right back at the solo girl in the theater, I impolitely grumble, "no."
I switch seats, next to the boy from the triad and the 2 boys sit down. New boy sitting next to me decides now is the time for a review of the movie we are about to see.
"Is this supposed to be good?" He asks. He has now displaced me from my seat (which I got their early to claim) and now he is interrupting my previews.
No idiot, I enjoy paying $10 to purposely come to the movies to see terrible films. *
"Yeah." I reply, in the most irritated voice I can possibly use. The previews continue and the 2 boys get up and leave.
I move back to my seat.
The movie has now started with an intense opening sequence. We're about 20 minutes in when I see a woman enter the theater and starts eyeing the seats. She looks in my direction. In case anyone is wondering, it's probably at least 8:45. Movie started at 8.
The bitch starts to climb the stairs.
She shuffles down the row. In front of the family. And now in front of me.
"Can you scoot down? My husband is coming too."
I didn't even respond. I angrily get up and use every nonverbal that one can possibly detect in the dark, make it my mission to show this woman how much I hate her. I heavily sigh/groan, drop into my seat and take ownership over the armrest.
Her husband comes in about 10 minutes later to which she waves some loose papers in the air to flag him down. Yes, she had papers in her lap in a dark theater. I assume that it's on these very papers where she misread the movie time. As soon as he sits down they start talking about the 10 minutes that she's seen and probably trying to piece together what they missed. When they realize they have no clue what's going on, they get up and leave.
I reclaim my chair.
I hear a faint laugh followed by a whisper, "How many times are you going to move?" Says the boy who I moved because of the 2nd time.
I shoot him a glare which he obviously can't see and redirect my attention onto Jon Hamm's beautiful face where it should be.
What can I say? I like my buffer zone.
*I actually didn't pay to see the movie as Regal had gifted me a free movie ticket per my membership and loyalty in the Regal Crown Club.
WOW! I can't believe your movie experience!!! That's terrible. Who do these people think they are?!?! If a seat is taken, you take another f*ing seat! And - unless the theater is completey sold out - you NEVER sit directly next to someone. Finally, you don't talk once the lights dim - end of discussion. If you want to talk, rent the movie when it comes out on DVD and spare the rest of us the aggravation. I think movie theater etiquette needs to be explained to the masses. I would have been so pissed off by the end of that fiasco, I wouldn't have enjoyed the movie one bit - I would have been seathing - I might have even left. The only saving grace was getting a free ticket.
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