Show me your 'O' Face

I just hope it doesn't look like this:

I should give these people the benefit of the doubt, because I have no idea what crazy face I would make if Oprah had just given me a new car that hadn't even been released yet so only the silhouette of which could be revealed, a scholarship, built me my own school in my African village or took me on a trip down under. My O face might look very different.

Perhaps something like this.

This is what I look like on my birthday. I imagine Oprah makes everyone feel like it's their birthday when they visit Harpo Studios. Unfortunately for me, I'll never know.

[Also, I was very generous with the picture selection of my O face. This is unfair to the people shown above and for that, I apologize. But, it is my blog. And you met Oprah. So we're even.]

The one time I did meet Oprah, was at the Academy Awards in 2004. I use the word meet loosely, as we were about 60 feet away and there was no formal introduction. Unless she has excellent hearing and heard me whisper "I love you Oprah" from the bleacher seats, which I'm sure she does and did. She was radiant. As my three friends and I ate our free bread (the only thing the fine Academy gave to us "bleacher creatures" in the 9ish hours we sat out there), I dreamt of being able to talk to her, to have a conversation with the icon herself. Ask her a question. What in the world would I ask her? Instead she went to Maria Menounos who asked her, "Who are you wearing?" What a waste of a question, Menounos. I should've slapped Maria when I saw her again in Park City this last January for Sundance and simply said, "That's for Oprah."

Okay, now I'm just dropping names.

Oprah has been on the air 93% of my life. I've never known a world where Miss Winfrey did not exist. However, Oprah and my relationship didn't really blossom until I was in college. In a world before DVR's, I wasn't able to watch Oprah on a daily basis as I was probably running around a soccer field or track through most of my middle and high school days. When I was in college, I was usually home in the afternoons to watch her show. College is probably the best age to start watching Oprah because now you've seen a little bit of what happens outside of your hometown-albeit I was in Corvallis, OR which was voted one of the most liveable towns in the nation. Although, 'The Oprah Show' did have an unfortunate connection with Corvallis when a young woman, Brooke Wilberger, was kidnapped from an apartment building and later murdered, and Oprah interviewed Wilberger's parents.

Love or hate her [there usually seems to be no middle road with O] you must give credit where it is due. This woman changed television and further than that, she changed lives. And we watched her change along with us. It's easy to invite people onto your show to engage in a staged and intimate quarrel for entertainment value, but it is quite another to take an interest in someone's life and help them improve it. Sometimes this was in the form of material items, but most often other times, it was giving them validation. Hey guess what, I care. It's something we don't say enough to the people in our own lives and it was such an apropros message she shared on her finale yesterday. People need to feel a sense of validation. That they matter.

And if nothing else, she gave us "Oprah voice." It's one of my favorite ThIIIIIIiiiinnngggs!

Note: I have come to love and often use Oprah voice on friend's birthdays, holidays, and sometimes just for kicks on their voicemails. I've tried to transfer this onto the wall's of Facebook, but it's just not the same. I think this has been Oprah's biggest impact on me. And it makes people smile, so that's enough. Thanks for helping me get a laugh out of my friends, O.

Cheers, Oprah. You done good. Now start writing your book already.

“Find your calling. It lights you up and it let’s you know you’re doing exactly what you’re supposed to do and you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be. You in your own way can illuminate the world.” -Oprah Winfrey 5/25/11

Run the World.

What the what is going on here?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p72UqyVPj54

These last two weeks have been harsh on the hip hop music industry. First, with the right-wing protesting Common's appearance at the White House and now a feminist youtuber angered at Beyonce singing a positive song meant to uplift the power that girl's have (see link above).

"Nineteen percent" has posted a video that attacks Beyonce's new single "Run The World (Girls)." Her main complaint is that factually speaking, women don't run the world.

I like the song. And I love Beyonce.

Music is a platform. Yes, issues can be brought to our attention through these mediums. Musicians are called artists. They create art to then be interpreted by whoever chooses to consume it. They're not called "truth-telling rappers" or "non-fiction divas." They're just rappers. And divas. You can choose to not like it. You can choose to love it. But my problem lies in this youtube video where it seems that this woman, nineteen percent, has a vendetta against Beyonce herself rather than her song. A good old fashioned case of girl-on-girl crime...brought on by, a feminist?

Let's take a closer look:

First, "Girls who run the world" is not the name of her song. If you are going to be nitpicky over "social and historical inaccuracies," I think I bear the right to be picky about you at least getting the nomenclature correct before you slaughter Beyonce.

On that note, second, Beyonce is not taking us on a historical account of the unfairness against women. Instead, this song is one of empowerment to make girls feel like they can do anything. Much like Nas in his song "I can" or Common's "It's your world" or even Michael Jackson's "We are the World." What about Cyndi Lauper's, "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun?" Is that ALL girls really want? I'd like to see the poll numbers Ms. Lauper took on this being the only priority of females.

Third, don't mock girl power in your condescending tone. This is nothing new. Not something that Sasha Fierce herself invented. And to mock the progression of women in general? Please.

Talking about female babies being killed in other country's in the same breathe as talking about Beyonce's song is ridiculous.

It's easy to say, "wow, I can't believe that there are still inequities in race and sex." Ideas don't die with people. Of course idiots still breathe among us with these ideals.

So for me, instead I look at the progression. The big picture.

Who is our Secretary of State?

Who is Forbes most influential person right now?

Who are the top selling authors this month?

And who wrote the top grossing film of this last weekend's box office?

[Clinton, not Bill.

Gaga

Sara Gruen (Fiction) & Chelsea Handler (Non-Fiction)

Kristen Wiig & Annie Mumolo]

I believe they are all in possession of a pair of ovaries.

Fourth, you claim that you are "hard pressed to find any hip hop lyrics that don't refer to women with derogatory names." Lucky for you, my music library is further established than what you might have on your list that may only consist of what iTunes suggests for you:

Try Common (yes, the same Common who Fox News wanted banned from the White House because of his controversial lyrics): "For in these cold star night's moon, you my light. If heaven had a height, you would be that tall."

Or Abstract Rude: "I've been jonesin to see my girl. It's the way that she makes me feel. Daydreaming about you all day. Thinking of being with you always."

Or Fabolous feat Neyo: "I'm a movement by myself but I'm a force when we're together. You make me better."

Fifth, trying to patronize B by calling her "Mrs. Carter" weakens your entire argument being about the song and sounds more of an attack on her. As if (a) she wouldn't have her success if she wasn't married to Jay Z and (b) perpetuating an old-fashioned feminine ideal that women aren't as powerful once they're married. If we recall, Beyonce has been a star since about the age of 17. I remember because I saw her at Z100's 'Last Chance Summer Dance' when I was in high school. She was a single lady. Jay Z liked her and put a ring on it years later.

I think your time would be better spent dissecting a song that really dehumanizes women. Like Lil Jon telling b*tches to crawl. I think this really sets us back. You know, as far as evolution goes and women not being able to even have the capability or permission to walk. For some reason, I find this to be more problematic.

Beyonce is encouraging ladies to do their piece to run their world. Also, I don't know if this hurts my case, but B didn't even write the song. Guess who did?

A man.

Thank You Notes

In the fashion of Jimmy Fallon, I have my own "Thank You Notes" to send this week:

Thank you random woman at the Winterhawks game I just met 5 minutes ago in a suite we were happening to share. I really appreciated your response to my affirmative answer regarding my single status: “Ahh…don’t you feel like you were the animal not picked for Noah’s ark? I know I did.” Hmm…I didn’t realize the consequences of being single were as serious as being left to drown in the rains of a flood. Thank you for enlightening me with this new and profound perspective. What is it you do for a living again? You squeeze the simple joy of life from one stranger at a time? Well good. It’s always great to have someone with a little perspective.

Thank you bitches in el bano on Cinco de Mayo for the terrible gossip you shared with your stall mates about some anonymous girl at the bar. It really enforced how mean girls really are. From what I gather, you were “frenemies” in high school and now she has a prestigious position with Bergdorf in NYC. Good for her. I think talking about what shoes she was wearing and the way her hair was did, is the best way to “get back at her success." Certainly not by making your own life better. You can stand on someone else’s shoulders if you’d like to feel tall. But I’d suggest buying your own ladder.

Thank you student in my class who claimed that a man named 'Baraka Osama' is the leader of the free world. I could blame spell check, but I'm not sure any word in the English language would auto-correct to 'Baraka.' But maybe my expectations are too high. It isn't that important to know who your president is, right? Just who got voted off of American Idol last night.

Thank you 5’8” Asian girl in my ballet class who weighs 90 pounds for doing the splits while lying on your back while the rest of us participated in resistance exercises. We get it, you’re better than us and super flexible- that’s something we'll just have to deal with. Now go home and eat a burrito immediately.

Thank you Seth Meyers for revealing on this past SNL's 'Weekend Update' that you had a girlfriend. I thought you would be my animal pair that would grant me clearance onto Noah's Ark. But now, now it looks like I'll need a pair of waders like Al Roker's that he's been rocking while standing in the Mississippi flood waters to report eye witness coverage. Hey guess what Roker (and ALL other journalists)? The view is the same from dry land & we're not going to watch your channel over another just because you got in the dirty water. We know you're getting out and airlifted to your five star hotel the moment the tape cuts.

Thank you Seattle Department of Licensing for only staffing three workers when you have about 60 people waiting to be helped. I especially enjoyed sharing close quarters with the ill senior (who probably shouldn’t be driving anyway) who disregarded covering his mouth in between his frothy coughs where he would definitely hack something up, swallow it, only to begin hacking at it again. Sick. A newspaper 7 inches in front of your face, old man, does not suffice as a barrier between your germs and the rest of us. Also, thanks for brushing and flossing this morning.

Thank you Jon Stewart for being on right before my bedtime and always ending my week days in hilarity. I know you're married, but unlike Seth, you don't rub it in my face.

Thank you Olivia Grace for existing (maybe I should be thanking your parents-which is gross. That’s my brother). By just looking at a picture of your chubby little face and into those big dark eyes, I remember that it isn’t all worth getting worked up over. We shouldn’t stress about the little things. And apparently, they’re all little things.

But it does feel better to write them down and see the humor in it all.

Duck Poop

Yesterday I spent a beautiful afternoon at Alki Beach in West Seattle. I was so mesmerized by the cloudless sky and the beaming sun while walking on the shoreline staring across the Sound to downtown Seattle, that I hadn’t realized all the duck feces that littered the ground below me. I checked both my soles and seemed to be in the clear but scraped them along the curb anyway. That’s the thing about sunny days. Even when surrounded by bliss, the duck poop lurks.

Which brings me to a segment, I’d like to call, “If you don't have something supportive to say, eat your scrambled egg before it goes bad."

To all those “birthers” waving around their transparent zip loc bags holding the remains of an un-hatched chicken fetus still demanding Obama’s birth certificate, I think he’s passed your test. With the outstanding execution of those 24 extremely courageous troops under the orders of our President, the most notorious man has been brought to justice. Every single American that was alive on that fall day remembers where they were on the morning of 9-11. I'm probably one of the least violent people you'll meet, but I have to take the 'Dexter' mentality here. I'm not confident the world will change in any significant way by way of terrorists, but I do know that sometimes the world is a better place without evil. This man was evil and because of him and his buddies, we have a collective image of death forever lodged into our memories and for the unluckiest, fragmented families because he led to their end.

[I was sitting in my room getting dressed. I had late start that day so I was slowly getting ready for school when mom told me to turn on the TV. I cried. Then I went to school where I walked in a fog all day. Life is confusing at 17. Even moreso when you will now have an image of 3,000 people being mass murdered engraved in your brain. Man, the world is more confusing than if he thinks I'm cute and will ask me to prom. I still have the papers from 9/12. One image shows a man jumping to his death, head first. I think he’d be pleased with yesterday’s events and want to shake the hands of our SEAL's and our President.]

“Obama shouldn’t take credit! He didn’t start the war!” Yes, you’re absolutely right. When the war started, Obama wasn’t the President and therefore, did not start the war. Bush did. Bush did not find Osama in his tenure as President. And who could blame him-Osama was holed up in a cave somewhere, right?

Well, I don’t know where the SOB has been for the last 10 years, but yesterday he seemed to be living the life of riches on a beautiful Pakistani day. Then he stepped in some serious duck poop. Game over. [Enter “Super Mario’s Brother’s” music here for affect]

So it is 2011. We are 5 months away from hitting the decade mark of 9-11. And in that almost 10 years, those images still have the capacity to give me a physical reaction. When I’ve visited Ground Zero, once in 2006 and on September 11, 2009, it has been a debilitating experience. My heart has never been so heavy standing on the city grave of thousands of Americans. You’re angry, sad, disgusted; you’re all of it. I know it sounds cliche, but when you're standing there, it's pretty remarkable.

After coming home from my day at Alki, I was reading & growing frustrated of the book because there’s way too many characters and it’s getting to be a bit much, but I must finish it. It’s the third book and I am 300 pages away from Lisbeth Salander freedom. So in my dedication to the book, I put it down and turned on the TV to channel surf instead. I landed on CNN and was just getting up to put in a movie. And there was the scroll of Breaking News.

“Obama will be making a serious announcement about our National Security.”

My first thought was that we were under attack again and quickly scanned the internet. Then John King came on and said, “Osama Bin Laden is dead. The US has his body.” John King, great delivery by the way. You could definitely feel the weight that this moment both brought and lifted. I also snickered at the thought of the very serious Republican-to-be candidate Donald Trump, grabbing a pre-made “Trump ‘12” sticker off his gold plated desk and crumpling it up. Then telling himself, “I did good. I did a really good job trying, I am proud of myself.” Then being equally sad when he later saw the ratings of ‘The Celebrity Apprentice’ for that night. Apparently his viewers were tuned into Fox News where the headline read “Usama Bin Laden dead.”

In my naivete, I was pretty certain people would be proud that we'd brought this mo-fo down. I also thought that credit would be given to our troops and oh right, our President. Boy was I wrong. Yes, the President does not operate within a vacuum alone; he is surrounded by aids and advisors for which we should be lucky that he doesn’t make decisions alone and has full control (see photo below). Well, maybe we would prefer this...seeing the current obsession with Monarchies and the Fairytale land of where real life Dukes & Dutchesses actually roam city streets outside of the pages of a classic novel (that I'm sure no American is reading unless it's a round flat disc that reads 'Disney').

I digress.

He is our COMMANDER IN CHIEF, which means we follow his orders. He is not simply a seat warmer to the desk chair in the Oval Office which people have also degenerated the highest office to the land to be which is disgusting.

[Secretary of State Clinton's face says everything you can't hear in this photo]

The conclusion I have drawn is that no matter what he achieves, even if it is something a Republican claims to have wanted, if Obama gets us there, there will be no satisfaction or credit. There will always be the person who has just quenched their thirst with haterade to say, “but he didn’t do this” or “well, he doesn’t deserve the credit. So-and-So did it.” I think it’s pretty ridiculous but usually it is the unsung heroes who do wondrous things and we recognize that somewhere in a dusty history book years later.

We all need to come off the high seat of either the back of the elephant or donkey we sit upon, and give credit where it is due. Stop acting with the maturity of second grade children on opposing ball teams. "No I grabbed it first! Nah-uh..Sssshe touched it last!" Just stop. Let me make you some eggs.

And if you can't, I know this beautiful park in Alki beach we should go for a walk in...

"Shoes? Nah... you should definitely go barefoot."