The Critic.

Over Thanksgiving dinner, my extended family who doesn't have the 'joy' of spending much time with me, told me something that may have changed my life a little. After a particular comment I made on some random topic, my Uncle managed to suck in some oxygen through his airwaves and force the Turkey he'd been chewing, excuse me, choking on down, and said: "Teela, you should be a critic." Little did he know just a few days before I had written a full blown review on 'New Moon.' Maybe more of the ambiance and actual experience of the movie-going experience on opening night than the actual plot line and acting, but nonetheless a review. Guess we're on the same page.

11.19.09. Clackamas Town Center. 12:10AM showing of "New Moon."

There's the emo kids who feel like vampires are the only ones who truly understand them. The sexually confused boys who aren't sure if they should be Team Bella...or Edward. There's the clique-ish girls who are hopeful that their Edward Cullen exists. Well guess what, he's dead and has been for 100+ years. Facial pierced teens discuss the most recent base they got to with their BF's or GF's, college and having their very first apartment (happy they're considering, not promising success), and express their disdain for curfew. And I'm quoting now, "I don't care, I'm already going to be tired as f*ck in the morning, I might as well stay out as late as possible." Oh to think a lack of sleep was cool again...

This scene could be none other than the midnight movie goers of Twilight: New Moon.

I'm still not quite sure why I am here and am baffled that I have anything in common with 99.5% of the people here. The last time I was confronted with a crowd of this monstrosity was to witness our 44th President of the United States get sworn in. And the Macy's Thanksgiving parade. Way worth it.

A girl is panting behind us like a tired Scottish Terrier (is this even a dog?) after a jog .2 miles too long because this is obviously the only way to deal with the anticipation. Another group discusses the casts latest appearances and awards they've won. I use the term "awards" lightly as most of these have been administered by MTV and let's face it, those don't really count...well, unless you're Kanye. These people know EVERYTHING. Stalkers. I mean okay, I admit I did DVR some Robert Pattinson appearances, but that's okay because it's not a tween obsession because he's actually my age. And I have a chance. You know since they'll be filming here again and all we're bound to cross paths, right? RIGHT?!?

I look over at the BFF and we nonverbally share our sheer state of confusion as to why we are here and roll our eyes at what is to come. Oh guilty pleasures. They'll drag your butt out of bed when you should be sleeping (note to teen girl from earlier, lack of sleep is so not cool) and into a stinky, packed, movie theater at 12:10AM to watch a teen vampire fight with a teen wolf over a human girl who really wants to be a vampire. As if hormones weren't bad enough.