Being a meteorologist in the Pacific Northwest is probably the easiest job. For three reasons: (1) You can be wrong about the weather 92% of the time and still be confident about your job security; (2) You basically just have to scatter the terms "Showers," "Rain," "Partly Sunny," and "Partly Cloudy" throughout your week; and (3) You only work for three hours a day...unless there is the threat of snow. If there is even an inkling of the white stuff on that doppler, then you can bet your 'mete'ocre ass you'll be hunting down that 4x4 square patch of ice on the sidewalk, in the highest point in the 'burbs, and will continue to slide around on said patch until it melts. In doing so, you will prove to drivers how treacherous the roads are, so people don't leave their homes and find themselves looking as foolish as you do.
This just goes beyond the expectation of "finding the story."
The weatherman is such a tease. They just dangle their rays of sunshine and snow in front of you, only for you to wake up in the complete opposite climate of their predictions. Tell me, what other job can you fail at repeatedly and not get fired? I suspect no one would want their child in a classroom where a teacher assures them that 1+1=3. Or why not take your chances of being that patient in an operating room with a doctor that has a patient survival rate of 30%? Or how about trusting your life with a firefighter who...well, if he doesn't make it out, we know you're not.
I hate talking about the weather. Which is probably why I could never be a meteorologist, despite its enormous and enticing "learning curve." It's the thing you talk about when you're forced to be in close quarters with strangers for an extended amount of time. But why is this the go to subject? Are we that unobservant and dull that the only possible thought that comes to mind is that of the most obvious thing? Don't get me wrong, I'm guilty of becoming engaged in the weather go-to. And every time I do, I lose a little piece of my soul and hate myself for it:
While standing in the rain in line at Century Link:
Stranger: It really is coming down out here!
Me: Yeah, it's pouring.
While going through the grocery check-out:
Checker: Man, it's really coming down out there!
Me: Yeah, it's pouring.
Checker: Stay dry out there!
It's only when I hear others discussing the weather when I realize how absolutely obnoxious we sound (Other than writing out my own transcriptions, that sheds light too). Like today, in my office:
Lady #1: Oh some websites are saying we could get 16 inches!
Lady #2: ::Picks up the phone:: Hello? Oh what's the weather doing there?
::silence::
Well it was just a blizzard outside! Snow was coming down in huge flakes! But now it's not doing anything.
Lady #1: ::Interrupting Lady #2:: Don't you see how quickly those clouds are moving? It's definitely about to snow again.
Lady #2: ::Into the phone:: Well the clouds are moving quickly...it probably will snow again soon.
It didn't. At least for the next hour I was sitting there while those quick-moving-clouds went by. However, I do think that the both of them should put their applications in for the local news channel.
Meteorologists, I don't hate you. If anything, I should envy you for being smart enough to pick the only profession that you can be incorrect on the regular, yet people will still turn back to you nightly to find out what they should wear tomorrow. You found your way around the system.
Luckily, so did I. I found Siri.
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