The Critic.

Over Thanksgiving dinner, my extended family who doesn't have the 'joy' of spending much time with me, told me something that may have changed my life a little. After a particular comment I made on some random topic, my Uncle managed to suck in some oxygen through his airwaves and force the Turkey he'd been chewing, excuse me, choking on down, and said: "Teela, you should be a critic." Little did he know just a few days before I had written a full blown review on 'New Moon.' Maybe more of the ambiance and actual experience of the movie-going experience on opening night than the actual plot line and acting, but nonetheless a review. Guess we're on the same page.

11.19.09. Clackamas Town Center. 12:10AM showing of "New Moon."

There's the emo kids who feel like vampires are the only ones who truly understand them. The sexually confused boys who aren't sure if they should be Team Bella...or Edward. There's the clique-ish girls who are hopeful that their Edward Cullen exists. Well guess what, he's dead and has been for 100+ years. Facial pierced teens discuss the most recent base they got to with their BF's or GF's, college and having their very first apartment (happy they're considering, not promising success), and express their disdain for curfew. And I'm quoting now, "I don't care, I'm already going to be tired as f*ck in the morning, I might as well stay out as late as possible." Oh to think a lack of sleep was cool again...

This scene could be none other than the midnight movie goers of Twilight: New Moon.

I'm still not quite sure why I am here and am baffled that I have anything in common with 99.5% of the people here. The last time I was confronted with a crowd of this monstrosity was to witness our 44th President of the United States get sworn in. And the Macy's Thanksgiving parade. Way worth it.

A girl is panting behind us like a tired Scottish Terrier (is this even a dog?) after a jog .2 miles too long because this is obviously the only way to deal with the anticipation. Another group discusses the casts latest appearances and awards they've won. I use the term "awards" lightly as most of these have been administered by MTV and let's face it, those don't really count...well, unless you're Kanye. These people know EVERYTHING. Stalkers. I mean okay, I admit I did DVR some Robert Pattinson appearances, but that's okay because it's not a tween obsession because he's actually my age. And I have a chance. You know since they'll be filming here again and all we're bound to cross paths, right? RIGHT?!?

I look over at the BFF and we nonverbally share our sheer state of confusion as to why we are here and roll our eyes at what is to come. Oh guilty pleasures. They'll drag your butt out of bed when you should be sleeping (note to teen girl from earlier, lack of sleep is so not cool) and into a stinky, packed, movie theater at 12:10AM to watch a teen vampire fight with a teen wolf over a human girl who really wants to be a vampire. As if hormones weren't bad enough.

Tyra, how I loathe thee..let me count the ways...

A friend of mine, who's name won't be mentioned to protect her identity, suggested I write a blog about the one person who irritates me the most: Ms. Tyra Banks. I didn't always not like Tyra, but it seems like in the past 5-7 years, she has clawed her way up the Hollywood sign to make sure she stayed famous after her model-esque body said buh-bye. What has she done for me to dislike her so, you ask? I'm glad you asked...let me begin.

5. She started 'America's Next Top Model.' Now, I am guilty of watching this show for maybe 6 of the 13ish seasons. I think the people are interesting, the shoots are cool, and of course, who doesn't like watching drama that isn't their own. BUT Tyra just created this show to tell other people how to model more like her. If that isn't narcism, I don't know what is. And no Tyra, I can't see the difference. I must not be cut out to be a model.

4. She thinks she's Oprah. Well you might say, Teela you're not mad at Ellen for taking a 4pm competing spot with Oprah, so why the anger towards Tyra's early afternoon show? Well, Ellen knows who she is and sticks to what she's good at-comedy. Tyra is a model...not a therapist and has no experience or accreditation that says otherwise. So stop giving sucky advice and further ruining these poor people's lives.

3. She won an 'Emmy' for a show that she claims to bring people on to "help" although most of the time, it always comes back to her 'rough' childhood. Man, going to Paris at 17 and then making millions of dollars does suck.

2. In her Emmy speech she thanked her mother for her perspiration. Yes, I would thank my mother for my sweat glands as well. Idiot.

1. And the number one reason I can't stand Tyra is because she once equaled herself to our Civil Rights leaders. I'm sorry Tyra, you were never incarcerated for anything you did and I think in categorizing yourself with these true leaders, you are discrediting their fight. You were blessed with an anorexically (word?) thin body that someone said, hey, let's put a swimsuit on that and use you in commercials and magazines and stuff. Good for you. But being the first Black model on the cover of 'Sports Illustrated' is hardly equal to MLK or Rosa Parks fighting for equal rights. Dumbass.

QuarTeela: A Reflection of Hitting the Quarter Century Mark

I think when we begin to describe our birthdays in measurements that relate to "century" we are officially feeling that we are on the decline of life. Well, if you are lucky to die from natural causes or "old age" that is. I on the other hand, don't see it that way. I am so sick of people thinking we are SO OLD when we are merely mid 20's...have we forgotten that just 10 short years ago we were rounding off our frosh year of high school? Yeah, def not old. Instead, people are practically doing a 100 m dash down the aisle and pounding out babies, losing all perspective that once all that happens they won't have the opportunity to be young, selfish (trust, this is not a bad thing) and carefree anymore...which is why, I think, we see so many people getting divorced. Rush rush rush..what's the point? Enjoy and appreciate this moment because it will never come again.

I'm not saying I don't ever have these thoughts, but I've never been one to settle so I'd rather pass up on the mediocre and enjoy singlehood rather than shackle someone into marriage, which I think a lot of young people do out of fear of ending up alone. I also just watched "He's Just Not that into you" for the second time, and I know movies don't exactly equal reality, but some stories have truth to them. Which character got cheated on? Oh, the one who gave her husband an ultimatum right after college that they get married or break-up. Stupid.

I'm not saying I am without the fear I'm sure many people experience about ending up alone, but glad (right word?) that I've been around enough divorces to not fall into that fear. Note: I'm not saying that all young people who get married do this...kudos if you have really found THE ONE. Double kudos for those staying single and strong and not settling, popping out Jr's and namesakes yet.

Maybe I'm just a big kid and am afraid to really grow up; this coming from the woman who just spent her 25th in Disneyland. Yes, you did not read that wrong. I called out to characters, "Hey Minnie!", sang "Yo-Ho, Yo-Ho a pirate's life for me!"loudly on 'Pirates of the Caribbean', and enjoyed a cinnamony-sugary delicious Churro during my waiting time for Round 2 on 'Space Mountain.' I have no shame.

I think after going through enough events in life that have not gone according to once you wrote down on paper or envisioned it to be, you stop making plans (except for the next fab vacay) and live each day independently rather than setting out unrealistic goals only to break at the seams leading you to feel like you've failed yourself. That's no way to live.

Everyone always wonders why I like to celebrate my birthday for like a week's time instead of just the day. It's not that I have to be the center of attention (not gonna lie, can be fun!) but I have friends from different places and points of my life and it's the one time of year I get them all together (under stringent guilt of course) and it's wonderfully awesome. I think when they interact with each other pieces of me are better understood by other friends. They may understand a side of me they didn't know existed. "Oh, she likes to write?" "What she's a beer snob?" "Huh? She wants to read 50 books this year and belongs to a book club?" "She has a weird obsession with hating bumperstickers?" "I didn't know she even went to college-could've fooled me!" I felt so lucky to have 3 tables of friends and family celebrating in Portland and blessed to have 5 more join me in California for an extended celebration on RT '09 (You ladies and gent :) are fabuloso).

So when these feelings of fear peek in and I have a moment of "OMG I'm not married and I'm single at 25?!?!"...I feel better knowing that I am completely surrounded with the best security blanket of friends and family who won't judge me if I'm not married by 28. Or 30. Or 35. Okay, fear moment at 35. Moreso, I'm lucky that I'll be able to spend these special moments with them. Thanks to all of you who make me feel so incredibly loved.

I took trains, planes, & Automobiles: Inauguration 2009

I’m flying back across the US and trying to come down from a huge high. This time yesterday I was standing in a throng of millions of people. Young, old, American, and those from other far reaching points of the world. I considered this to be the most beautiful moment I have ever witnessed in my 24 short years of a pretty great life. I am swallowing back tears writing this and the only reason I resist is because I don’t particularly want to be the one that my fellow passengers go home and refer to as crazy girl who was crying by herself on the plane. No thanks.
I didn’t sleep at all the night before Inauguration. Typical for an insomniac I suppose, but I compulsively looked at my cell phone all night to make sure I wouldn’t miss my alarm, in the event that I would be counting any sheep. Finally, father time put me out of my misery and digitally delivered 5:30 AM on my Blackberry screen. Freaking finally.
After putting on a gazillion layers, the four of us headed out to catch the bus. By a sheer act of fate that the universe loved me (a far cry from the previous day, self-induced, I admit), we caught a free un-crowded bus that took us from Shirlington (in Virginia) to just three blocks away from the National Mall. The transportation gods however, would not display the same mercy on us after Inauguration. More on that in a later entry.
The sun hadn’t quite woken up by the time we’d arrived which was a little before 7AM. I am not good at guesstimating temperatures, nor am I excited to debate how cold it may be when I’m experiencing such harsh conditions. Since exposing myself from these conditions I’ve heard from a few news reports, family members, and my two-million closest friends for the day, we were in the frosty neighborhood of 10 degrees with wind chill. I imagine myself sweating upon my arrival into Portland because it will probably be in the 40’s. Home sweet home.
Not everyone is aligned with my let’s-not-talk-about-how-freaking-cold-it-is mentality. In fact, everyone preferred to do quite the opposite. The Jumbotrons plastered information on how to know if you are experiencing hypothermia and/or frostbite, so that was optimistic. Chicago lady who seriously was the most annoying person I’ve ever come into contact with, decided it would be a good idea to complain about EVERYTHING. I was silently wishing that she’d be the one to endure frostbite and have to leave so I didn’t have to listen to it for the next 5 hours. Example: “It’s only 7? You mean we still got 3 hours before ANYTHING starts?”
When God didn’t grant me this, I figured it had been a pretty spectacular year already being that I was lucky enough to be freezing at the National Mall awaiting for history to transpire before my eyes. Can’t have it all, I guess.
We made some friends outside of Chicago-lady-I-hoped-would-suffer-from-frostbite. We had San Diego guy who apparently was never visiting the East coast again in the winter, cute New York guy, as my friend penned him, and older guy who came solo and I loved him for it. For coming solo and for his sporadic “Oh yeah! Wooh!” that he repeated. Seriously, it was so precious.
As much fun as it is to reminisce the waiting, I think I’ll just get to the good part…the reason this group of strangers were suddenly crammed like a can of “Chicken of the Sea” together. Obama. Let me preface this with the fact that I had begun crying Monday night. These tears were born in pure happiness, anticipation, and disbelief of what was happening to this beautiful country. These tears were born in disgust of the treatment, no, brutality that my ancestors beared; being manacled as they were brought to America not as human beings, but as animals. These tears were born in the tears that my grandmothers both internally shed when they were turned away at diners, grocery stores, drinking fountains in the ugly segregated South. These tears were born in my sincere gratitude and admiration that I hold toward my parents when they had to figure out a way to fill my brother and my bellies without either of us knowing any of the wiser. These tears were born in the success I have been so blessed to be able to achieve because of all these struggles; A 24 African-American woman with a Master’s degree and a great job. Okay, there goes my crying rule on a plane. Let them talk about me.
The only word that comes to mind besides the overly clichéd cool, calm, and collected phrase that I could think of when I first saw Obama gliding his way through the capitol was badass. This actually was happening. Then the waterworks began and didn’t yield until Bush descended from the capitol steps. I did for a nanosecond feel sorry for the guy when the crowd erupted into chants of “nah-nah-nah, hey-hey-hey, goodbye!” I did not participate. It was finally OUR day and whatever Bush may have severely damaged while in office, the pain he has caused people worldwide, and the true in competencies he displayed, he’s gone now. It is our turn now and it’s not likely we can go back in time to 2000 and do the right thing in Florida and put Gore in office. What’s done is done and we are moving on. Farewell G Dub.
There was a lull between introducing Biden, Michelle Obama, the girls, and President Bush before Obama came out the closed doors. Then a 1600 volt of electricity surged through the crowd and it was no longer cold. American flags waved, screams deafened, numbed feet left the mall ground. Spectacular. There really is no other word to describe the intensity and emotion of that moment. Obama has said “this is our moment” for the last 22 months and here it was. Spectacular. Just the way I hoped it would feel when I first became an Obama supporter in January of 2008 after his New Hampshire primary speech. Here are people who might have never even purchased an American flag, granted these ones were free, that were now waving them with toothy grins spread across their faces and literally were risking hypothermia and/or frostbite to see Barack Hussein Obama II become our 44th President. I believe our American dream has been restored and our American pride unearthed. Dr. King, your dream is manifesting. We are at the peak of the mountaintop and I think Obama will help us weather the storms that may come our way that tries to blow us back down.
Together...YES WE CAN.

Spielberg, Whoopi, & Pausch

After a very frustrating and emotionally crazy evening yesterday, I sat down to watch the Golden Globes. I don’t know why I do this when I could youtube.com the 2 decent acceptance speeches out of the gazillion train wrecks and embarrassing moments. Although, if I would’ve done this, would I have seen J Lo refer to herself as “mama” when her peers wouldn’t shut up for her to present her award? I believe it went something like, “Sshh Mama’s talking, Mama’s talking.” In true Dwight Schrute spirit (for all you ‘Office’ fans), Question: When you become a mother, does that give you free reign to refer to yourself as ‘mama’ to those that are not your children? Is that why all black people call each other sister and brother since they are someone ELSE’S brother and/or sister? Hmm…something to think about.

One of the non-moronic speeches of the night was one that was for an award that was beyond well-deserved and that was none other than Mr. Steven Spielberg. Steven Spielberg has brought us a story about an Extra Terrestrial living with an American family, put T-Rex in a freaking park in the present day (Yes, this was a book…but the effects are kind of incredible), made Will Smith a badass, and also touched our hearts with a green ogre finding love. Now, most people would think of these ideas at face-value as crazy. You’re going to do what?? Right…no one will ever go for that. An alien living with people, sweet, good luck dude. I mean, M&M’s even refused to have their candy featured on “ET” because they were sure it’d be a flop. Aah, and that’s why Reeses Pieces were invented (this is fact, I tell no lies). I do this all the time. Not create Reeses Pieces, but think an idea is too crazy to be put on paper or screen. But then Spielberg changed my life a little bit. He said: “I always ask myself, can I get away with it?” He refuses to pursue any project where this question isn’t burning in the depths of his skull. Fear drives him and somehow, it hinders a lot of the rest of us from ever pursuing those crazy-not-in-a-hundred-years type of dreams.

Pausch emphasized a similar idea in his book, “The Last Lecture,” when he repeated that we all should follow those crazy wild childhood dreams. And that dude reached zero gravity. Never played in the NFL (which he wanted to-hey can’t have it all I guess), but became a Disney Imagineer and reached zero freaking gravity.

I guess they just had the itch and the only way to relieve it was to scratch the surface of their dreams.

I think Whoopi said it best in ‘Sister Act 2.’ “If you wake up in the morning and the only thing you can think about is singing, then you’re a singer girl.”

[This is a metaphor, I don’t want to be a singer.]

Today, I will write.

Oh-Nine

Another year has started...and I am older but none the wiser.
Okay, so that last statement may be fictitious, but I certainly was not looking forward to ending another year and I really became irritated about the big hoopLAH of what a new year brings. What is the big deal? So the Earth has finished rotating around the sun...so? That dictates how you want to change your life and gives us this surmountable pressure to list all these things we want to do in the next 365 days and if we fall short we are failures? Eh, I'm not so much of a fan of setting myself up for disappointment.
Now what I might say next may make you think of me as hypocritical (get used to it-I'm allowed, it's my blog). After my initial annoyance of New Year's Resolutions, I began to think what I want to accomplish in Oh-Nine. I look at them as "goals" however and not so much as resolutions. Not any of that, "I'm going to work out everyday" and "No more Reeses Pieces Peanut Butter Cups for me" garbage. More like, I'm just going to be the best person that I can be and here are a few things I need to do, places I need to go, and habits that need to be avoided.
Things I need to do:
-Continue to read as much as possible
-WRITE!!!!!!!!! WRITE!!!!!!!!! WRITE!!!!!!! (Hence the creation of my blog)
-Throw parties for obscure holidays just for the hell of it and to spend time with friends :)
-Continue to be the best correspondent I can be and keeping in touch with my family and extended family (AKA good friends)


Places I need to go:
CHECK-DC for Inauguration
-Peru in November
-Somewhere in the states that isn't glamourous but probably fantastic

Habits that need to be avoided:
-Being unproductive on weekends (Well, I can be lazy to an extent)
-Getting all worked up over the small things (And as Frances McDormand and George Clooney remind us on the fabulous film that IS 'Burn After Reading'..."They're ALL small things")
DISCLAIMER: This does not mean I am not ever going to get irritated, upset, or cry. I am afterall human.


These lists are subject to change and grow.