Live from New York...it's Saturday Night?

Dear Lorne Michaels,

I have been a fan of your show since I was born. Some families have pizza Friday or Saturday movie nights, but our family's Saturday night ritual would revolve around such skits as The Delicious Dish, Mary Katherine Gallaghar, Night at the Roxbury and of course, the Spartan cheerleaders. And thanks to the advent of DVD's and internet, I was able to catch up on skits that were before my time. SNL was truly a great show.

And I don't believe the talent is gone. I'll be the first to admit that I still watch your show. Perhaps it is because I have a not-so-secret crush on Seth Meyers so I'm lured in to watch the show...at least until 'The Weekend Update.' However, while I'm watching, I'm constantly thinking, who is going to surprise us from season's past on tonight's show to make it worth watching?? Last night: Tina Fey, Jimmy Fallon Maya Rudolph and Rachel Dratch from previous casts and Justin Timberlake, a beloved host of SNL's present...and of course, alum Amy Poehler hosted. Toward the end of last season you also brought back most of the aforementioned women for a show and overshadowed those who are actually on your alleged present cast.

So I ask myself, when should the show just end rather than rely on talent's of SNL's ghost past? There is some good material that when executed correctly, is rather hilarious. Personally, I'm a fan of the 'Scared Straight' program, 'What up with that,' and of course 'The View' parody. Oddly enough, those all involve the humorous stylings of Keenan Thompson. Is this why you brought another black dude on cast, Lorne? The one with the over-the-top impressions of Will Smith and Chris Tucker? Spoiler Alert: He's not funny. If you think that's good, hire me. I do a damn good Oprah. That's actually funny.

You can't expect Kristen Wiig to carry the funny one handedly and Seth Meyers to carry the sex appeal (oh it's just me who finds him attractive? Nevermind then).

It's normal that after 36 years a show isn't at the level it once was...that's why most shows only last 5-9 seasons (unless you're ER, Law & Order or a Soap Opera) and you try to counter this with a changing cast. I think you need a Plan B, and not the kind that you can get at Planned Parenthood. Something needs to be done or I'll be whistling a Joy Behar sounding tune when it comes to your show--So what, who cares?

Get it done-

Teela

PS- Oh and Katy Perry for the season opener?? Really?? She should've taken a tip from Ashlee Simpson and left the vocals to a recorded mix and you should've taken a cue from 'Sesame Street' and cut. her. out. She sounded like an animal in the midst of being tortured. Truly, horrible. Not even a hot mess...just a mess.

The Buffer Zone.

This past Friday, I decided to go on a solo date to see "The Town." Being the punctual person I am, I left early to ensure I'd make it in time for the 8 o'clock showing and of course, to claim a good seat in the theater.

I got to the theater so early that I decided I could make the 7:25 instead. The ticket dude said the theater was only half full but upon closer inspection (going into the theater), found it was well over half full and I didn't think my neck would appreciate the cruel angle of the front row and I didn't want to bother anyone who had clearly gotten their early for a good seat. So being the good samaritan I am, I went to wait in the 8pm theater.

The theater was empty and I sat at the very top in the middle. Perfect. Or so I thought.

5 minutes after I claimed my seat, a girl walks up to the ENTIRE empty row and asks, "are you saving these seats?" To which I honestly reply, "no." This apparently was an invitation to sit next to me-in one seat over. "Great!" She replies. "We'll be kinda cozy!"

Well, we wouldn't be cozy if you decided to move further away from me.

5 more minutes pass and her 2 friends join her. The boy goes and sits on the other side of her and instead of following suit, the girl opts for the seat right next to me.

WTF is going on, I think. She has the whole other side with no other movie goer patrons. I'm having a 'Friends' Chandler moment. You know, where he has to hug-and-roll Janice over. She has the entire other side of the bed!! Move. Over.

She says something to her friends about having to sit directly under the projector, she's apparently OCD about it. After a few minutes, I move a seat over to give my personal bubble the air it needs and deserves. This apparently was an open invitation for said guy, to switch sides that he is sitting on to occupy my empty seat. Yes, he now is sitting right next to me. Oh, and the rest of the row is still...entirely empty. I move over another seat to reinstate the fact that I have a 1 chair rule. Did he not understand why I moved over from his friend in the first place?!

The movie theater starts to fill up. A family sits on my other side, kindly leaving a chair in between us as normal people do, and the previews start.

Now is a good time to mention that I LOVE PREVIEWS. Trailers are my fave. The music. The intensity. The little glimpses to a story that is not yet complete. It brings me indescribable joy to look forward to a flick that has not yet released.

To recap: I'm not a fan of tardiness and I love previews. Let's continue.

2 boys enter the theater and give it a once over.

Do not even think about coming up to my row.

They make their way up until the stairs run out and look over in my direction. I have them in my peripheral but am trying to appear as if my full attention is on the screen.

"Excuse me!" One of them whisper-shouts. "Is anyone sitting there?" I look around in obliviousness as if he could possibly be talking to someone else. When everyone looks right back at the solo girl in the theater, I impolitely grumble, "no."

I switch seats, next to the boy from the triad and the 2 boys sit down. New boy sitting next to me decides now is the time for a review of the movie we are about to see.

"Is this supposed to be good?" He asks. He has now displaced me from my seat (which I got their early to claim) and now he is interrupting my previews.

No idiot, I enjoy paying $10 to purposely come to the movies to see terrible films. *

"Yeah." I reply, in the most irritated voice I can possibly use. The previews continue and the 2 boys get up and leave.

I move back to my seat.

The movie has now started with an intense opening sequence. We're about 20 minutes in when I see a woman enter the theater and starts eyeing the seats. She looks in my direction. In case anyone is wondering, it's probably at least 8:45. Movie started at 8.

The bitch starts to climb the stairs.

She shuffles down the row. In front of the family. And now in front of me.

"Can you scoot down? My husband is coming too."

I didn't even respond. I angrily get up and use every nonverbal that one can possibly detect in the dark, make it my mission to show this woman how much I hate her. I heavily sigh/groan, drop into my seat and take ownership over the armrest.

Her husband comes in about 10 minutes later to which she waves some loose papers in the air to flag him down. Yes, she had papers in her lap in a dark theater. I assume that it's on these very papers where she misread the movie time. As soon as he sits down they start talking about the 10 minutes that she's seen and probably trying to piece together what they missed. When they realize they have no clue what's going on, they get up and leave.

I reclaim my chair.

I hear a faint laugh followed by a whisper, "How many times are you going to move?" Says the boy who I moved because of the 2nd time.

I shoot him a glare which he obviously can't see and redirect my attention onto Jon Hamm's beautiful face where it should be.

What can I say? I like my buffer zone.

*I actually didn't pay to see the movie as Regal had gifted me a free movie ticket per my membership and loyalty in the Regal Crown Club.

Pity Party? Not on Oprah's watch.

I am starting to become frustrated with how easily our society complains. About everything. Collectively-I'm not just pointing my little finger at you, because we all know how that pointing thing works. Three are looking right back at me.

As I'm looking forward to starting work here in a week, I am overcome with what I consider to be severe anxiety. I tend to always fill my plate to the brim at a buffet and manage to never be able to finish it all. I do the same thing in life.

This Fall term, I now have both my full-time teaching position at a university that won't be named due to public forum and my fear of stalkers, but I also took on a part-time teaching position at a community college. Teaching 6 classes is apparently much more than the 4 I was teaching before. Especially when they were all the same time duration and all the same subject at the same location. No big. I've added a different subject, 2 different textbooks (not by choice) and my classes range from 1 hour sessions to 3 hour sessions. Currently, my Monday has me teaching from 8:30AM and ending at 9:00PM at night...in a town that still fords me a delightful hour and a half commute home.

The thought alone makes me want to curl up in a ball and turn on Oprah. So that's just what I did.

Apparently Oprah's show was not inundated by the jovial demeanor of her premiere this past Monday where she'd selflessly surprised her entire studio audience with a free trip to AuuussTRAAAALLLiiiiaaaaaa!!!! And her favorite white guy John TraVOOOOlllttaaaaa, was also not there piloting the plane as we was on Monday.

Instead, 4 segments featured families/people who were suffering from the most traumatic of situations that they'd ever been in their lives:

1) 2 men held hostage just 2 weeks ago at Discovery and how they made it out alive.

2) The family of a woman who had strangled her 2 baby boys, placed them in car seats and then drove them into a river. Of course she's still alive.

3) A man who's 2 little girls and wife were murdered in front of him and he was the only who was able to escape and make it out alive.

4) The story that hits closest to home, because it's happening in my home, Kyron Horman's poor parents going on their third month of having no idea where their sweet little boy is.

These are real problems.

I turned off the set, looked next to me at my pile of textbooks and daunting computer screen with the ever-so-annoying blinking cursor. Ain't lookin so bad after all...

Really?? I have absolutely nothing to complain about. Here I am sitting in this beautiful condo with everything I could want and much more than what is necessary, stressed with the pressure of 2 jobs in an economy that has most people without employment at all. Not okay.

It's all about reframing what we might think is initially problematic or what triggers our stress-o-meter and then thinking, is this really cause for complaint? Or am I just a lucky bastard to be breathing? Sometimes it is...and I get that. But let's not let the Debbie in us get us down about things that are actually our fortunes.

Who knew I'd turn into an optimist....

Thanks Oprah.

(I was at the Academy Awards when this picture of O was taken. Another reason I can't complain. I've been to the Oscars.)

True Magic.

How is it that one of the most calming and magical experiences I have ever had occurs in the middle of one of the most chaotic cities in the world?

Saw it no less than 8 times in the 4 days I was there.

I always must wait for my song: Andrea Bocelli feat Sarah Brightman - Time to Say Goodbye. Note to those in charge of the musical score, Faith Hill-This Kiss is not acceptable for the fountain show. Or anywhere in Vegas for that matter. Stick to Sinatra, Elton, and oh yes...Bocelli.

Good thing I have good girlfriends that put up with my little obsession :)

The Book Worm.

At the beginning of Twenty-Ten, I didn't make many resolutions but I set a couple goals.* Among these goals was to read 40 books this year. I read 30 last year and thought, hey, what's 10 more? Apparently, a lot.

Here we are entering the 8th month which means we are two-thirds of our way through the year and I am only halfway through my book list. I'm no mathematician, but these things are not equal.

I'm sure I would be further through if I was going by page count ie: Every 275 pages equals a book. Instead, I'm pounding out 450 pagers as well as 200 pagers and counting them equally. If we are getting technical, then I should've also considered print size as well as surface area of a page.

Well, we can see why I didn't quite go this far.

But I don't care that much and I guess should feel happy with whatever my book count ends up because at least I am spending a significant amount of time educating myself in nonfiction and exploring the tales of the fictitious. Both are increasing my brain function more than if I was say, sitting in front of the television (with the exception of Jeopardy and Cash Cab). I also find it more difficult to snack when I'm reading (and am deterred when I am reading a book from the library and I come across the previous borrower's lunch) and thus, reading reduces uneccessary calories. My new work out plan.

For those looking for a good novel, I've listed the top 5 books I have read so far this year with a quick synopsis. I've read a few horrendous books, but I've been impressed with most of my shelf.

1. Those who Save Us Historical Fiction

Recommended for: The Historian.

This was our first read of our book club this year and it was really heavy. Maybe save this one for post summer time rays. It was a perfect January read.

2. Game Change Political Nonfiction

Recommended for: The Political Pundit.

If you have any interest in current politics and the last election, you will surely enjoy this. A journalist wrote this book so there is definitely the human interest piece as well as the "behind the scenes" to both campaigns. More time is spent on Obama's camp than McCain's, but he won.

3. The Zahir Fiction

Recommended for: The Soul Searcher.

This will surely have you searching your mind and soul. There are an endless number of pieces that you will want to keep with you forever from this one. It's a slower read as it takes some time to absorb, but definitely worth every moment.

4. Crazy In Alabama Fiction

Recommended for: The Light-Hearted.

We read this for our first summer book read in my book club and it's definitely an odd story. I admit, I was rather skeptical of it at first glance but then found I couldn't put it down. Really an endearing tale of a boy who doesn't understand why race matters in his tumultous Southern town. Oh, and then there's the part of his aunt carrying the head of the husband she murdered on a cross-country road trip...in a hat box no less.

5. The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks Nonfiction

Recommended for: The Biologist. Or those that didn't pay attention in high school/college biology.

I'm not a scientist in the same way I'm not a mathematician, but this story resonated with me as HeLa cells have played such a prominent role in the history of medicine. I loved that it didn't read like a biology book yet the author was able to explain concepts to the scientifically-feeble-minded. It was also a human story; we learned about the woman and the family behind the cells which had us battling between what is morally right and when do the ends justify the means.

Happy Reading!

*Yes, there is a difference between resolutions and goals. Resolutions, in my opinion, refer to something you want to change to make yourself a better person than you have been in the past. Essentially, to resolve problematic behavior ie: I never see my grandma, I'm going to go visit her once a month this year so I see her more. A goal on the other hand, is something you intend to do regardless ie: I will make $100 in tips tonight.

Subtle difference? Yes. But still a difference. Probably stretching the elastic a little thin, but I don't care for the word 'resolution.'

Oh, waiting rooms

Oh, waiting rooms.

As if my eye infection isn't enough.

There are some scenarios in which I don't wish to socialize. If I'm at a sporting event, a show-movie, music, theater-a bar, etc. I don't mind or would even say I invite conversation with random people that have similar interests. However, while I'm sitting in a waiting room of a Pharmacy at a Doctor's office where privacy is afforded and even encouraged, I really don't want to talk to you.

Usually I ward off unwanted conversation by reading whatever book I am carrying around with me. Unfortunately, on many levels, my current ailment is with my eye and I was unable to partake in my beloved hobby. I guess this made me a free agent for conversation to other people plagued by their health.

As I am diverting my eyes to the reader board hoping that my name will appear, I hear an inaudible but noticeable mumble from the lady at my 9 o'clock. I look up and she is looking at me (I think...like I said, my eye is F'd at this point) so as not to be rude I say, "I'm sorry?" That was all she needed.

"These prescriptions. I'm waiting for Percocet since I'm having all my bottom teeth pulled today, well, except for 3 of them that are staying. I already took a leftover Percocet this morning to prepare."

I return a polite smile hoping that my own pearly whites will never have to be pulled in their entireity. I avert my eyes. Nope, not enough Teela.

"I went to visit my friend in Yuma and hopped on down to Mexico and loaded up on Omoxycillin. A lot of my friends don't have healthcare so if they need it, I'll have it for them. Prices are outrageous in this country!"

A confused and involuntary head nod came from yours truly and I don't say anything as I don't want to encourage any further elaboration from this woman who doesn't know what boundaries are.

"When I was 19, I had radiation, probably up until I was 24 or 25. Had to have all of my upper teeth pulled and replaced with dentures." At this point, she opens her mouth and slides what appear to be her unwashed fingers along her upper teeth. As if the words alone would not suffice.

"Couldn't do the bottom then, so here I am." Yes, that you are...and I am so fortunate to have been here at the same time on the same day. She pauses and then to no one in particular shouts, "Come on guys! You can do better than this!" She turns back to me. "They're usually so quick here."

Finally after about 5 more minutes on would-be-toothless-thank-you-dentures woman's medical history, her name appeared. I kindly told her good luck on her teeth pulling and was relieved. Freed.

Or so I thought.

I took out the good ole Droid to Google this eye condition the doctor had just diagnosed me with. Yes, I was willing to risk the health of my eye looking onto this small screen to avoid anymore conversations with strangers.

"Are you texting?" A guy had sat down in the general area of where dentures previously sat.

"Umm, no..I'm researching." Since when is it okay to ask a perfect stranger what they are doing with their own property?!?

"Ahh, I thought you were texting." He continued. "It's so bad. This woman was texting and driving on my way over here. Line of 20 cars behind her going 35 in a 45!"

"Yeah." I agreed. Wait, was I hallucinating this Pharmacy scenario around me and I was actually driving which is why this man felt the need to bring this to my attention? It's the only possible explanation.

"My wife is the worst driver. The one good thing about her driving is that it made me closer to God."

I snickered as I thought he was joking. He wasn't. I uncomfortably shifted back to serious face and he continued his story about his first date to a gymnastics meet with his wife. She was the stat keeper and apparently she drove. I faded in and out of listening and thankfully my name popped up and gave me an out.

I realize this makes me sound snobby and anti-social, but I'm not. I just believe there is a thing called oversharing and I was a victim of its consequences today. So next time you find yourself in a waiting room and you feel it's necessary to share with your present company your medical conditions/history or opinions on activities you see them engaging in, ask yourself the following questions. It could save you from being the subject of a blog.

1. Do I know you well enough to share this information?

2. Will this make you feel awkward?

3. Is it really the best time and place to share this information?

Making the world less awkward, one blog at a time.

Reflections on Inception.

Christopher Nolan knows me. Perhaps we met in a dream.

Not only did he put my boyfriend who just doesn't know it yet, Joseph Gordon-Levitt (or as he likes to be called, "Joe") in the suits and vests that I adore him in most, but he threw in my old classic love of Leo who only seems to become more handsome with age. In the unfortunate event that you've been asleep within your own dreams for the past month or so, I'm referring to the film 'Inception.'

Although an insomniac, when I do dream I have what most of my friends consider to be deranged dreams. To me, they've become normal. You know, the typical scenario of being chased by a family member who is shooting at you while you attempt to flee by scaling barbed wire fences, that sort of thing. Then I bleed for what seems to be forever but don't seem to die when I've lost a lot of blood. When it feels like I am losing breath and will cease to dream exist, I startle back to reality.

There it is. My peaceful room: The bookshelf overflowing with stories begging to be read, the humming of my fan that I find necessary to sleep to during the summer, and my all too comfortable bed that I could literally live in if I had the assistance of something not as gross as a bed pan to deal with that waste thing and an attractive butler to wait on all other needs.

It was just a dream.

I roll over, shut my eyes and await the next ludicrous story that awaits to meet me in my subconscious.

Now with all that insanity that stirs through my mind while I'm asleep, I have equally random thoughts when I'm functioning about the masses. Not on the level of the previous example of course or you may want to check me into a mental facility ASAP (I'd prefer the lavish one where all those stars with "addictions" go), but I think...A LOT. About life. About the what ifs. Things that I have found through conversations aren't so typical to think about while picking up your dry cleaning.

Warning: Semi-spoiler alert for those who haven't seen the movie:

When you break down the central plotline of Nolan's, it's DiCaprio trying to reach his dream...to get home. His "real" home. But the end may have you guessing, is it in fact real? No, I'm not going to stop there because this begs the question, what is real for us? Yes we have a collective reality that can be proved through facts and general observations about how the weather is or isn't behaving, but we also have individual realities. For instance, I have a habit of ignoring things or diminishing their impact until someone else confirms its occurrence. The morning of 9-11 was a clear example of this. I didn't believe it was happening even while watching live footage, because this wasn't possible...until my mom walked in and acknowledged its reality. No she wasn't chasing me and she really is a lovely woman. My dreams don't do her justice.

In opposition, some things that I may witness with other people I feel much more attached to, moved by and contemplative over because for some reason, it resonates with my reality. Just because it exists in me and not in others doesn't make it unreal, or in other words-a dream. Perhaps, this entire "Inception" contemplation is one of those things.

Usually I loathe unfinished endings that make the viewer do work in order to reach a conclusion. My reaction is usually along the lines of, "I believe I paid you to see this movie therefore I shouldn't be responsible for producing the beginning, middle, or end of it." However, given the blurry nature of the lack of lines created between dream and reality, the film's end was perfect.

Bravo, Nolan. Bravo.